Guy On Date Forgets Tap Dancing Shoes—Fails To Perform Song And Dance Routine When Walking Girl Home

Status Update: '2021 Was Not My Year' Says Bernie Madoff On Deathbed

She Can’t Be Stopped: Taylor Swift Releases Her Version Of The “1812 Overture”

'What's The Big Idea Here!?' Asks Disgruntled Man Looking At Blueprints

Jesus' Tomb Empty After Leaving Behind Pile Of Bud Light Cans And Used Condoms—Landlord Furious

Egypt Calls Upon Worlds Public Pools To Give Stuck Cargo Ship 'Greased Up Watermelon' Treatment

Call Me Old Fashioned But I'm Pissed Off My Barber Refuses To Perform A Much Needed Appendectomy

Nintendo Confirms That The Mechanism Which Allowed Mario To Feel Love Was Removed In Super Mario 64

Bagpipe Player Sees Shadow—Six More Weeks Of Public Intoxication Confirmed

Train Conductor Steps In Last Minute In Daring Act Of Waving Stick Around For New York Philharmonic

I’ll Believe In Climate Change When Texas Goes Back To Normal Says Senator Ted Cruz

I’m Giving Up Catholicism Says Pope Francis Drunk At Ash Wednesday After Party

President Biden Buys Valentines Day Chocolate For First Lady, Sends It To Teenage Girl By Mistake

Wait A Second, They Spin Those Things? Asks Man Enthralled By Rotisserie Chicken

Not That Anyone Cares, But I Also Shot A Man In Reno Just To Watch Him Die, Admits Willie Nelson