Dear District 832 School Board,
My dear little Charles Wellington the Third came home from school today, giddy as a newborn, bragging about his new little friend. When he removed his new friend from his backpack, I was disgusted by the sight. In an attempt to please the Left Wing Liberal Media, the school had allowed the beloved grade school character Flat Stanley to dress in Lulu Lemons! I consider myself open minded, but what he was packing in the trunk and hood almost made me faint!
What I saw with my pure Christian eyes was well defined male genitalia, drawn in a 3D perspective. I must admit that I felt an awakening in my loins from it's bizarrely accurate depiction, but think about the children! My dearest Charlie should only learn about male anatomy on the day of his wedding when he consummates the marriage with his beautiful betrothed.
In protest, I am un-enrolling my child from the school unless drastic changes are made. I will instead home-school him on all the needed material.
Ungratefully Yours,
Edith Puthy
P.S. If you have the number of the artist who drew the character, please have them call me at 555-493-4502. I'm sure I can give them some inspiration for a female character ;)
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